And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
