My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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