I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
