I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
