she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Someone shattered a urinal.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
