whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
