Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
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