I feel great
I just peed on a car
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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