I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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