I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
