I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we're making bets on your personal life
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
