this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
