I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
