she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you had me at cake vodka
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
