last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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