She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
