Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
