I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
