Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
