I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
