my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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