genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
