Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
