If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
