apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize