so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
