i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
