apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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