so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
