i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Randomize
