I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
