You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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