Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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