it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Michael Bay diarrhea
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize