Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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