I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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