No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
