She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Vodka?
Forever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
