Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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