I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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