Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
