just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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