At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
