he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
