Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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