then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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