So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
