Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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