Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
