I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
