all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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