I think i peed on brittanys purse
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you had me at cake vodka
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
