Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
