"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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