Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
