I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When are your genitals available?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
