I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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