Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
