remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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