Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
