So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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