Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
