either way he was missing a nipple.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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