I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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