we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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