I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
