The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
